27 weeks

I haven't wrote much lately, but my thoughts have never turned off. To be honest there are just so many that run through in a day that I cannot find a starting point to begin to explain what I feel, think, or want. Reality, surrealism, and naivete can sum up most of this.

I enjoy pregnancy. Though, seeing how it lasts for 10 months, I go through ups and downs of believing it. How can this be so real and beautiful, yet terrifying? It must be terribly difficult for men to go through these changes of becoming a father. Here, I'm incubating/hosting this little boy inside of me and still having a hard time accepting all that comes in only 3 more months. This beautiful little boy, Micah, that grows inside of me is going to scratch his knees, catch frogs, make me laugh, love his daddy, go to school, make me upset, get grounded, and one day go off to college. His first car, his first girlfriend, first shave, first kiss..date...nightmare. I am going to be responsible for his well being and molding him into a fine young gentleman. This makes me smile and cry all at the same time. He will change me.

I feel as of lately, this indescribable feeling actually....though imagining it is only normal. Guess I'm just tired of the anticipation and want to just know how this is going to turn out. 27 weeks and starting to get uncomfortable. Having a hard time getting up, or laying and sitting for too long. My back is always hurting and moving slower. I feel as though I'm a beautiful rare specie that after observing for a large amount of time, the crowd slowly dwindles down until the last person is tired and has the creature figured out.

My recent escape from reality left me wanting to create my own world. The movie Science of Sleep constantly captures my mind.

Do not doubt that I'm in love with this child and all that comes along, but that I am human and am aware of the hard, rewarding journey ahead. I'm grateful for you.