Roots and Weights

Big comfy queen size mattress, eluvium gradually engulfing me, teddy bear allowing my tired head to rest on him all while I'm in a once familiar room that still has the same blueprint but just now with a bit more character on the walls. This room has seen many years and many years that I cannot remember. Before I get too far ahead of myself...let me go back a bunch of hours....

i spent my tuesday packing and moping and feeling down. here i am 25, pregnant, single and moving back in with my parents (which makes sense) in a town that I loathe so much. I felt like a failure. Granted I know a lot of that is hormones, but I still acknowledge these feelings and allow myself to feel them strongly, but only to remember "it's not the end of the world". we are never given anything that we cannot handle, even if we say "i cannot handle this"...we know deep down inside we can but who wants to feel those hurts constantly? So, with great encouragement from an amazing person, I cried some more and then realized...it's okay. I am different and life is still unfolding and sharing its secrets with me.

So..Wednesday morning, I am up for 830am and after a strawberry poptart, I begin the inevitably long day. I am lacking in motivation for the fact is I know things are going to change once living with my parents, and though I may not like some of them...I know that this is where my season has led me. So, I pick up my sister (who is 15) Stormie and we eat a lovely lunch outside in the sunshine and then continue to the house and load as much as we can into my mother's van *which i really don't like letting people drive my car because i'm ocd about the seat, yet i borrowed hers and adjusted the seat as one does in most cars...but still i'm ocd about this* after unloading at the house with the help of my sisters two young guy friends, we are on the road again...back to Lafayette....load up again, drive, and drop off a load. I knew I was back in Breaux Bridge when the first thing I saw was an old man on his lawn mower, at the gas station.

I wrote this at 1 in the morning when I was so tired from making the 3 trips to Lafayette and the 3 trips to Breaux Bridge and the 1 trip to St. Martinville. I'll blog later but I there is no way I can get back to this place of emotion, for the day was miserable and full of so many emotions.