So, here I am, with 2 and 1/2 months to go and this whole pregnancy is just now affecting me the hardest. The emotions and hormones are brutal. This is so much bigger than me. I am going to be a mom, someone who is always responsible for another person's life and safety, who kisses wounds, and the constant for a little boy. Thankfully, from a few people, I've been told I am consistent and I sure am hoping I can be that for him. Today I realized that I will become that friend that you dearly miss, but the fact that I have a child will get in the way of you inviting me over out of the fact you have no children and ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. I know this...because this has been me for years.

As I come to the end of my pregnancy, the third trimester, I realize just how fast it has all passed by. Granted, I've had a wonderful pregnancy...when it comes to the way I've perceived and carried on. It is truly hard to do this on one's own...though it is possible, it does not make it easier. At the end of this, I feel like I've been robbed of sharing this with someone I love or someone who wants to share this excitement. I will be honest, I am scared shit-less but I believe in myself. Love, hmm, it comes in so many forms and I am grateful for my friends and family who have supported me from day one. I would be a complete and utter mess without them. I feel so selfish yet chosen to be able to have the bond I will have with my son.

With life, we are always focused on what we are missing and set out to find "it".... the missing parts do hurt, but I have something so much more amazing in front of me. We are allowed to hurt and want, but we shouldn't let it keep us from accepting happiness and life that is right in front of us. This could all be bias, seeing how I am an emotional, single mother preparing for exactly what it means to be a mother...and preparing is where I am lost.

I just want to be comforted, massaged, and share memories of the movement and growth of my son. This will be the most incredible journey and moments any one person could experience. I just want to share my happiness instead of fretting about the future. Security is nice....even if it's just a safety net beneath you while dancing across the canopy. I am going to be amazing and broken...but I am going to be the best mother and love my son unconditionally. If I go any further with this...I may lose my focus and hormones will take over. Too much. Love.